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 Welcome to vent!

Hi, my name is Becki.

 First, I hope you enjoy the variety of information on my website. 


Second, purchase a vent journal to completely unplug and detach yourself from all the negative stuff in your life. 


Finally, hit your reset button and discover the time to be present with your feelings and emotions. When you are journaling, it will help you fully experience and understand the emotions you are going through. You will find a release, objectivity will return and you will be able to move forward.

So let's vent!


P.S.   I am very proud to include the deep profound writings of my daughter - Alexis. You can read her blogs on Becki's Blog sub-page.

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Becki's vent sessions

Things pop up in my mind and if I don't write it down,  I will forget, therefore, I want to vent about it

I'm so excited to start this journey!


Life can be super busy. You do not have time to focus on a thousand different things in your life, and take care of yourself. You may start exercising once per week,  and unknowingly your eating habits become healthier. Don't forget you are more productive at work. Yet, there is something missing. You know exactly what you want in life, but you can't seem to get there.  So who do you talk to get there. Friends, family or loved ones? But there lives are just as hectic. Maybe your problems are not as important to them. What to do? That is when I started journaling. I was getting tired of hoping and even expecting my loved ones to understand, accept or validate my vent sessions. Sometimes I just wanted someone to talk to and let out the negative stuff not fester inside me. Or how about just be silly and dream about winning the billion dollar lottery and what would you do with so much money$$. "Don't be stupid Becki, you will never win. Why even waste your time going there!" I know that, but how fun is it to dream!


My purpose in starting this blog, website is for issues and situations be discussed in an open forum with no judgement or criticism.  I hope you enjoy this journey and I look forward to hearing from you.


Have a blessed vent journey.

-vent on-

Becki

 Dia de los Muertos


** Day of the Dead begins on October 31 and ends on November 2, 2018**

It is a holiday associated and originated in Mexico, but is also celebrated in other Latin American origins.  Dia de los Muertos honors the dead with festivals and celebrates the lives of the deceased with food, drinks, parties, and activities the family or friends who have passed away enjoyed in life. It is like an alarm to awakened the dead from eternal sleep to share the festivities with their loved ones.

I have experienced friends and family members pass away. Yet, the one that hurt the most was the passing of my oldest brother, Fabian. We were close but became closer when my daughter, Alexis was born. He became her godfather "nino." They also had a very tight relationship. More so because my daughter's father was not a significant part of her life, he took on that guardian role.  It is interesting how the most devastating part of life - death- is when human beings start to realize the importance of their loved ones and life in general. I do not understand why we cannot celebrate life everyday, especially with the people we love. For example, I believe it is very important to say "I love you" all the time. Hugs and kisses are just as important. And especially telling each other what you feel - venting your emotions.

There were many things I wish I could have said to my father and wished my father could have said to me. That didn't happened. Although I say it now to him in my prayers. There was a sweet friend I had and her name was Sherri Foster. We didn't see each other that much but we knew in our hearts how much we loved each other. I just wished I could have been there for her when she really needed it. There were times she kept to herself and did not want to be a burden.

Even though our loved ones have passed on, I choose to celebrate and honor the tradition of this celebration. Sharing stories and memories about the deceased. So see we even vent after life has passed! Telling funny stories or memories is part of remembering the cheerful events and celebrate with them instead of feeling somber.

During this week celebrate your loved ones who have passed as well as the loved ones right in front of you and tell them what you feel in your heart. I know I will. Thank you for being a part of my vent journey.


Love and Respect

-vent on-

Becki

The Importance of Voting-2018


Voting means to express an opinion or preference. How much of a difference it makes for the United States of America to have this privilege, to have our opinions heard.  At one point of time, I did not pay much attention to the consequences it affects each and everyone of us to not express our votes. This determines the fate of our country. Personally, I believe that everyone should vote, because we all have an opinion. My worry for this year's elections is that a lot of the younger adults will not go out to vote. It worries me because this is my daughter's future and her families future. It is literally in the hands of the millennials to realize how big a part of democracy voting is, and how much a difference it will make.

I look at this as a big vent session for the USA. Express what you want done for your community, state and country. Because if you do not express or vent your opinion it will also be stifled by the individuals who are willing to stand up for their rights. It will not be the governments fault on the outcome it will be our faults for not voting. Like anything else in this world, you must realize the power you have to choose what happens in your life and it will make you stronger.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Love and Respect

-vent on-

Becki

Let's be Thankful


The act of being thankful  heals the soul and gives us strength as individuals. Again, being thankful is just not celebrated during Thanksgiving. Having Thanksgiving serves as a reminder to us all to focus on the importance of life. So  what are we thankful for? If you ask your friends, co-workers, and family you usually get the broad answer of...health and happiness, my family or a good job.  I like hearing the more specific answers.  Here are mine:

*I'm thankful for my pets. My dog Wallace who is the epitome of unconditional love for me. My older cats, Diego and Sissy for the constant nose kisses. The kittens, Polly and Donnie for the joy they have brought to the house.

*I'm thankful for my job. For at times it can be real slow at the office, I sneak in the opportunity to write in my book or my website!

*I'm thankful for getting sick this last weekend. Although it resulted in me staying home in bed, I had one and one with my mom, my niece and my daughter. Rested in the warmth of my flannel blankets with my kittens. Caught up with movies and books.

 Being thankful is not always easy. It is easier when good things happen because you are grateful. Bad things that have not be solved or figured out are much harder. Probably because we do not know if they will get worse. In that case, being thankful is a positive perspective and attitude to give new insights into coping with your negative junk lingering in your life.

Be ventful and thankful

-vent on-

Becki

Acceptance is not that Easy


It took a long time for me to accept myself. I had to learn to recognize strong attributes and my over abundance of weakness'. I would judge myself and worry what my mother would think of me; which led to my husbands. There were some people I honestly did not care  on what they thought  - I couldn't tell you the difference though.  Starting this vent journal journey, I found some older versions of my journals. Turning page after page on how much i have grown. My level of happiness has drastically increased. George Orwell says, "Happiness can only exist in acceptance." I felt proud of myself for accomplishing such a feat. The more acceptance I grow to understand how valuable happiness became. It is like walking with your loved one hand and hand. The stronger the relationship of acceptance and happiness grew the more I enjoyed my life.


With the holidays coming this week, I accept that my whole family will all be together for so many stupid reasons, but that is their choice. I have acceptance my life and live with happiness. The more I am accepting what i have the more allow myself to accept while receive and enjoy life. In other words, I will enjoy as much happiness is in front of me because I am worth it.


Many Blessings and happiness during this week of thankfulness.

-vent on-

Becki

 Self Realization is a Chore


With my journey I have tried to discover my identity. I am divorced twice, have a beautiful child, struggled through some hardships..but this is a long story of my life. Self discovery is a process. Searching for my individuality with the personality I carry everyday, Examining my behavior in how I react to others. What I am more likely to do is called self-discovery. I feel I have been on that quest for a very long time. It is scary to see the different characteristics you inherit and display. Sometimes it takes a monumental situation to occur for you to realize what kind of person you are. 


I learned something this weekend, about self-realization as an understanding and fulfilling of my own efforts of my own potential as a strong independent woman; overcoming my personal weaknesses that either continue to happen or I chose not to recognize. I had to learn to be bias with my emotional and mental state of personal development - my moral compass - my ethical principle.  It sucks sometimes to see through the bullshit you display to others and more so accept from others, as if you are a doormat. Self realization is knowing that your ego and desires have to work together with your moral compass and ethical principle. 


My goal is to be on the spiritual path to awakening from my past nightmares, struggles of being in a dark place. My soul is full of boundless joy and gratitude.  


I am excited that I discovered myself this holiday.  I also realized my true self as the freedom of my past is gone and the newer practices of who I really am is not an illusion anymore.

"The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you will tolerate!"

-vent on-

Becki

Guess what? I'm not Perfect!


I had given advice to a friend and she stated it out loud what I said. "Well, that is not what I meant."  The notion to be perfect ends up becoming a headache. Becoming flawless - something without defects is not realistic. Perfecting a materialistic task, like getting an 'A' on your report card is something to strive for - that is achievable. Even a machine can not always be perfect, after time the machine wears down and falls apart. I don't think humans were meant to be perfect - just take a look back in history for all the bad things that have happened.


When you think that you should be perfect, think again. The pursuit of being perfect is like saying, "I'm not happy with who I am, what I look like, how I act?"  We are judging ourselves. In reality, it is an insecurity that you are dealing with. Sometimes we compensate for a sense of inadequacy when we can't get over that our body is shaped right, always answering with a negative attitude. On your chalk board of life, your parents or someone who means the world to you, told you that you are not enough. With that perfectionism thought, you may feel that other people are lesser than you and they need to catch up with your status quo.


I know I am not perfect! I have made some whoppers of mistakes. I'm not as skinny as I used to be. My thighs are huge. So if someone came up to me and said, "Man, you have some serious junk in the trunk!" Now a days I would laugh. before I would get so angry. Probably cuss them out. I was sensitive to judgments. I realized everyone has an opinion, but making their opinion a gold star opinion is really silly. Basically, before you judge someone else, you might want to look in the mirror and see the imperfection of your opinion.


"The only perfection is in being present, yet the perfectionist is never present."

-vent on-

Becki

Sometimes you have to say Fuck it!


Yesterday, I had to take my mother to several appointments. I was being a brat because I did not feel like doing all her running around. I needed to go to work and finish up some projects. Being her caretaker is one of my responsibilities. One of the appointments was taking her to DMV to get her senior identification because she will not be driving anymore. The DMV employees as well as customers lack patience and manners, especially to a little old lady. My tolerance for ignorance was being tested or I could of just went off on these rude people. They were messing with my momma! Don't mess with my family or I will be like Liam Neesom in the movie Taken!


After a long day of running errands, I was getting crabby. So I decided to channel my frustration into a form meditation thoughts. I usually say the bad thought and answer it with a good thought. So, I started being creative with the negative thoughts and would say, "Dear DMV, you fucken suck! To you rude people, may someone push you aside and fucken step all over you! Dear Scientist, hurry up and find a cure for fucken dementia, so my mom can be normal!" 


After a half hour of back and forth 'fuck you's', I started laughing at how stupid I sounded. And I ended by saying a thousand more fuck you's and I felt better. I guess my moral of the story was, my morals are not these other fucker's morals, so fuck them. I'm good!


Have a fucken awesome vent day!

-vent on-

Becki

Do you ever just want to do Nothing!


I like doing nothing. I like sitting in my car and staring at the outside world. I like laying in bed relaxing my body from the oncoming stresses of the day. I let my mind go wherever and it can be distracted by negative stuff that has happened. I have learned to let it go and think positive. If I get caught in a thought I don't like, I let it go. If I get caught up in feelings from a situation, I let it go. Then a struggle of trying to let go becomes more than what it is supposed to be, I let it go. It isn't easy doing nothing, except to make your awareness bright and healthy. Just don't fall asleep. That is usually what I do.


" Sometimes the smartest thing to do is to do nothing"

"Occasionally indulging in a do-nothing day is more than worth the price"

"Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something"

"Life is all about balance. You don't always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it's perfectly okay, and absolutely necessary, to shut down, kick back and do nothing"

-vent on-

Becki

Having Faith in Faith


I really wanted to make the Christmas Eve blog a special one, but to many grateful and thankful issues needed to be heard. Instead, I gave it to God. I believe in God. I am a Catholic. I also read up on other religions and their beliefs. I find it very interesting how our interpretations are similar in concept but different in words. I believe it is important to have a higher power to pray to. It has made my life easier. So in researching ideas to blog about...did you know...even Mother Teresa kept a so-call journal?  She wrote letters to God for over 40 years. How cool is that. A Nobel Peace Prize winner delivered the kind of message to the world that, "It is not enough for us to say, I love God, but I do not love my neighbor."  She also suggested that the upcoming Christmas holiday should remind the world, "that radiating joy is real" because Christ is everywhere -- Christ is in our hearts, in the poor we meet, in the smile we give and in the smile we receive."

Mother Teresa wrote letters regarding her tormented feeling toward her faith and suffered periods of doubt about God. It made me think, if this woman of grace wrote about her silence of emptiness in how she sought out the guidance of her Lord.

My passion in journaling is to write about everything and anything you have thought, felt, or don't understand...the list can go on. Having faith in yourself is important and certainly will make your life easier.  I also have faith in God. And God was my crutch for a lot of difficult times. I respect that we all have different beliefs, but it saddens me to think that faith is not as strong as it used to be.  "To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.  To one without faith, no explanation is possible." -- Thomas Aquinas

Having a journal to write down your thoughts is just a stepping stone to having faith in yourself.  Sometimes our plans in life do not go according to plan, we lose faith in ourselves which could be a losing battle.  Failure will do that to you. We eventually lose hope. To me, Faith is a deep rotted feeling of good things to come for us. It is like Hope to the second power!  When life is difficult, faith is the answer to a simple question...Life would fail if we did not have faith.

Faith is like the oxygen we breathe, it nourishes our body, feeds our heart, provides energy to our soul. The foundation of our existence.

I am not one to preach, but this has helped me. I pray for you to find your higher power, the strength, the faith so you can be empowered to speak out the truth - vent free your life.

Don't underestimate faith!

Peace on Earth and good will to all! 

-vent on-

Becki

Welcome New Year Resolution 2019! 


When I was younger, I remember the big deal was to have a new year resolution, a plan for the new year. 12:01 a.m. Day one of 2019...I''ll lose weight, save money, be more patient, don't cuss (hard one) and maybe even eat healthy. Those resolutions only last no more than a month. I lack discipline for losing weight and eating healthy. I like me some pasta! Now for being patient - I'm better. Saving money - I'm great, because I am divorced! lol


My new year resolution for each year is going to be the same one from now on - is to be to find out who I am and grow from it. Shoot for the moon! Resolve each day for a better one. Stop saying Yes to the things I hate. 


We can't change our past, certainly our future. My plate is full and needs to be completed. I am going to focus on me, I have done better, but my obligations have taken over my personal growth. It is about balance. I just told a friend to take care of herself first and she asked me how? I had to stop and think. Search for guidance in books, meditation, exercise, faith or a new project. Do what makes you happy. That took me a while to figure that out. I always did for others and neglected myself. 


I am shooting for creating responsible standards for my daily chores, respect myself, survive the bullshit out in the world and letting go of the pain change can cause. 


So think of this...2019 is a new page of a new chapter of your 365-page book!  Don't think what will happen for the new year, or the month, just focus on the next 24-hours to being closer to the better person you are striving to be.


Blessings and may your dreams come true.

-vent on-

Becki

 My Purpose in Life?

 

I have always wonder what my purpose in life is. I am passionate about reconnecting in my journey with vent again. I realized my purpose will take me to bigger and better places. Where I can learn more about myself, especially, but why people are the way they are. I would love to take vent all over the world. Be a motivational advocate for women empowerment and utilize their voice for whatever they are passionate about in their life. I want to make life better for others when they speak. Probably because I felt I was not heard.

Maybe God gave me this gift of believing in the power of words and feeling empowered by each and every adjective, verb or phrase.

I was at a loss when I couldn’t find out my purpose in life. I have experienced some serious ups and downs or highs and lows. I struggled to understand my role in my family. I am the youngest and only girl of five older brothers. I was spoiled and taken care of. My purpose in life was to adapt in a Mexican American family with dysfunctions and traditional beliefs of the past, yet to conform to the present American way.


I was not an individual who wanted to become a doctor when I was young. I flourished in performing in front of my family singing and dancing. I got older and became frustrated not knowing what I wanted to be. Graduated high school and had no direct line to a future. Do I blame my parents for no structure or discipline? Looking back, my passion for helping others was a hindrance. My passion was utilized for the wrong purpose in my life. Codependency, manipulation or selfishness. With my mistakes in life, that is when I discover my passion was used for the wrong situation. I turned my hurt into a healing purpose.

Like the daughter who was neglected by her father, who turns into an advocate for women empowerment, having my voice heard. Realizing how much I can be loved and love in return without a price tag. My desire to help others transcended into a purpose.

I don’t like seeing my friend suffer from problems of the heart and soul. I have learned to be more of a listener than a fixer. I had to learn to set boundaries. I learned to empathize with each individual’s different way of looking at life. Usually not my way, and I became okay with it. Some are more compassionate or emotional with their delivery or others are very black and white, fearing the outcome of becoming vulnerable.


Faith is a strong component in my life. All I can do is pray for my loved ones and wish their higher power gives them the guidance necessary to live a productive life. I healthy life. I loving life. Venting what their needs and wants are.


Follow your yellow brick road.

-vent on-

Becki

How do you Feel?


"Good morning Becki. How are you?" "I'm fine!"


What would happen if you answer the individual back with, "I feeling like shit! My shoulder is sore with arthritics. My tooth is pounding. I didn't sleep well. Otherwise, everything else is okay?"


 Are people ready for the truth and honesty to come out of your mouth? On the Disney movie Bambi, Thumper's mother taught him, "if you got nothing nice to say, then don't say nothing at all!"


Or we just conformed to answer what is politically correct to appease society. And, when you don't conform, everyone looks at you like you have a third eye on your forward.  There is way to be honest with grace. Respectful with compassion. Understanding with empathy. Communicating takes a lot of work. Would it be rude to walk away from a conversation when your partner is angry and you don't feel like hearing it? How often do you regret saying that hurt your partner unnecessarily. Or just have an open honest conversation with your loved one or family member. 


Time is valuable and we need to take a minute before we talk or think before we open our mouth. When talking about provocative issues the other person may feel frustrated with your tone, wording - whatever. Then in the heat of the moment, all our kindness is out the front door .


So much work to be a good person huh! 


My take on this is, once you are a nice person and continue to practice the behavior of being truthful, respectful and honest from your heart. Realizing do unto others as you would do unto yourself. Life would be so much more relaxing.


Therefore, I'm doing great today. Arthritis is kicking my butt, but the world will go on.


Be Mindful,

-vent on-

Becki

What is Self-Compassion


I want to talk about self-compassion and why it works for me. It has become very beneficial in my life within the past five years. My brother Fabian, died from cancer four years ago. I got divorced after 16 years. My mother diagnosed with Dementia and I am her caregiver. My other brother got a stroke. My aunt disowned me (long story), which effected the whole dynamics of my family. So life in our household has been chaotic.


I don't know how I would have survived through it if it weren't for my self-compassion practice. The only thing I was doing that made any sense was scream at the world. I was getting tired of being misunderstood, loved, or just plain tired of all of it. 


I really had to focus on being mindful of my surroundings. My faith was being tested. My strength as a mother, daughter, sister and even niece was challenged. When our minds struggle with crappy things going on, and I started to respond to my needs with compassion, kindness, and support in times of such difficulty I notice things were different. 


Self Compassion  involves being nice to yourself. I do my best to treat my friends with the same compassion. I am not a perfect human being and continue to be a better person. But I also learned that being to compassionate can bite you in the ass. Friends and family start taking advantage of your kindness. Boundaries need to be set. Hearing the truth about your hang ups is fearful but helpful to know the truth. 


I was real good at criticizing myself or the stupid situations I got myself into. I was tired of dealing with anxiety and depression beating myself up for feeling like a gullible idiot. Compassion makes us feel safe and secure.


Today and tomorrow I learn to be mindful and practice self-compassion to connect to the presence that makes me strong during difficult times. 


The struggle is real, find it in your soul to be compassionate.

-vent on-

Becki

People Change for the Better or Worse


In my life experiences I have changed! I know we do not all have the same experiences therefore our evolution is impressive to ourselves.  I have become more conscientious or open to new experience and ideas. Becoming more vulnerable and accepting of mistakes. What I have really changed on is my boundaries in allowing other take advantage of my kindness. Your personality influences your choices in different situations. Pain in life - loss, worry, heartbreak, hardship is just part of life. When we suffer we change our perspective. Reality paints a real big picture. And facing reality with pain is another source for someone to change. It is funny how we adjust ourselves to different situations to survive. 


Then you have people who are not willing to change for the benefit of their soul that it hampers their relationship or friendships. I feel sorry for those people who don't see the big picture. 


I think today I am rambling because so many changes have happened in the few weeks of this new year. Realization of death, who are your true friends, and do family really give a shit about you. 


Thank God, I have this journal to write in. I wish others would write back so we can have a dialogue on what makes people tick.


W hen we fully accept the reality that we are imperfect human  beings, ones that make mistakes and struggle, our hearts naturally begin to conform to a  softer version.

-vent on-

Becki

What is the Best Version of You!


I spent a lot of time this weekend on Ancestry.com trying to find my mother's extended family. It made me sad because it stop at her grandparents. My mother's life as a child was not easy. Her biological parents gave her up to another family member. So to think the version my mother became is what she was dealt with her whole life. Personal development focuses on your happiness, sufferings, health and goals. Realizing the ugly qualities of your family members and hoping it doesn't filter down to you. For example, Greed - Vanity - Addiction - Power.


Leo Tolstoy said it best..."An arrogant person considers himself perfect.  This is the chief harm of arrogance.  It interferes with a person's main task in life - becoming a better person."

Here are some rules to become a better version of yourself:

1. Stop the fear of failure - that's a hard to swallow especially when you are  told you don't measure up.

2. Stop the fear of success - this takes diligence because you do not want to lose yourself identity and raised expectations.

3.. Stop people pleasing - my favorite - it took a while and sometimes i fall back on that old version of me but man o man does it hurt to always want to make everyone like me, disagree with them, never speak my mind, never say no, never get angry, never tell someone how you feel.

4. Stop criticizing and judging others - if you don't know the individual then shut up. such negative energy. So high school. We all have done it.

5. Stop procrastination - Perfectionism is the mother of procrastination or laziness.. It all about accountability.

6. Stop the negative self-talk -  Who doesn't say 'I need to lose weight,' 'I'll look stupid!' Self talk is a normal process we all experience it but it such a negative way to see yourself.


On that note,  let us try to be better version of ourselves before we look at everyone's else baggage.

Not cool!

-vent on-

Becki

 What is Trust?


I believe trust is both an emotional behavior and a logical act of behavior. As an emotional behavior, this is the difficult part of trust, we have to expose our vulnerabilities to people, and believing that they are not taking advantage of our openness. The logical part of trust's behavior is to be a detective and assess the chances of a win or lose situation. Is the situation or person being truthful. What do I have to gain in trusting? Or what will I lose if I let go and do trust? 

To gain both emotional and logical you must practice both. You trust because you have experience in trusting and have faith in human  nature.

But Trust is such a valuable emotion. I have experienced trusting so many people with my life that they have betrayed me. I should be cautious every time I am in a trusting predicament. Having faith and leaving it in God's hands has helped me out a lot. Because there are some mean family and friends out there. 

When I trust other people, a lot of it comes from hope and maybe even getting something back in return.. I have trusted others and they have threaten me with words of guilt, which expose my vulnerabilities. Trust means not taking advantage of others feelings and expecting that they will not do the same.

I will continue to build trust and hope that others will return the favor, if you are betrayed then I pray for you because it will hunt you down to the end of your dying days.


-vent on-

Becki

The Power of Frustration


I am not a morning person. I don't like to chit chat or immediately start doing something unless it is planned. I need a shower to wake up or some coffee. Since I live with my mother, and she has dementia, she is a morning person and loves to talk. That is when FRUSTRATION HAPPENS!  I believe I have patience and coping skills to achieve this. 

If I allow my mother's jabbertalking at 7::00 a.m. start me off in a bad mood, all other things and people will be in the line of firing. 

As humans, we have to have an extreme amount of power in our fuel tank to function. Then how will we deal with all the bullshit if our tank is empty. That leads to being pissed off or have emotional patience to listen, hear and talk. 

There are a lot of people who do not do what they are supposed to do in this world, therefore tests our patience. Right? Rejections, disappointment,, annoyance, ignorance, stupidity are all things that will drive you crazy which leads to frustration. All because our needs have not been met.

I had to learn to let the water boil and be patient with the outcome.. Don;'t let being patient make you feel like a doormat either. People get jealous at others when they can handle difficult situations with calmness and grace. 


Just breathe and pray.


-vent on-

Becki

Happy Valentines Day


Valentines day is about expressing love, so why don't we celebrate Love everyday. I would love to get flowers and candy on a Tuesday for no reason. I would love to do something spontaneous for my significant other out of the blue when he comes home from work. Saying I love You is something that should be said all the time. Hugs should be the new way of saying hi! Holding hands, kissing and expressing love is so fulfilling to the heart and soul. 

Practice love everyday!



-vent on-

Becki

Poem to my daughter


The love between a mother and daughter is a bond of the strongest kind.  

It is a love of the present, interwoven with memories of the past and dreams of the future.  

It is wanting only the best for each other and wanting to help anytime there is a need.  

It is making time to be together and knowing just want to do and say. 


It is an unconditional forever kind of love.


i love you nani



-vent on-

Becki

Fed UP!!!!




I'm so over it. when I say I don't care anymore, I mean I don't care anymore! Go do you boo! 


Do people not get it when we are at the end of our ropes with the bullshit that comes out of peoples mouths! Arguing over the same shit is tiring, repeating ourselves is stupid and getting someone else to do the talking is so fake! I just don't have the energy anymore for bullshit!  I fed up with it when people talk shit. 


I have consoled family and friends who still have stab me the back. 

I have been there for family and friends who have tried to knock me down. 

I have done favors for people who can do nothing for me... I don't expect it but it seems they do. 

I have been there for people who have been down and out. 


 I'm done. people. I have had divorces, death, heartaches, and this bullshit is no comparison to the crap I have gone through. So don't play games with my friendship or love. 

Because I will not lose hatred for others. I will continue to be me because that is who I am. Life is not meant to be easy but even through bullshit, I will survive.


So think before you act or open your mouth!


-vent on-

Becki

Escaping from Reality


These past couple years I have been bummed out and burned out.  Job can be boring at times, plus the daily bullshit at the office can be so high school. Home can be challenging with my mother who has dementia and the constant reassurance for her - sometimes I just want to bit her head off. Just being the main caretaker of everything is overwhelming at times.

I want a break from people. I don't feel like spending time with others and just chill by myself. 

So I took the initiative to take a trip for about 10 days away from everything. This is going to be my fuel injection. The older you get the more things start to slow down and I'm not really digging it. 

Body aches, mind is not as witty, maybe that is dementia contagious!  So I am going to revamp myself on my upcoming vacation. 


Wish me luck!

-vent on-

Becki

Fighting Stress


When I am in the middle of a stressful situation I like to vent out loud sometimes, I like to meditate or pray for strength. Realizing mindfulness can help give me the tools to step aside from the BS of our everyday life and gain some perspective. I wish I knew now how to deal with things because in my younger days I was all over the page. I wanted to fight not just with fists but with words and hurt the people that hurt me. But I knew deep down in my heart that really wasn't the right thing to do.

Just stopping and taking a deep breath activates the stress hormones to relax. It takes time to get there so be patient. 

So stop and notice what you are thinking about and start to turn off those fears that making you go a 100-miles per hour.


Peace be with you.

-vent on-

Becki

My Vacation


I'm going on vacation to let go of all my stresses and define my true self. 


Coast with the Waves

-vent on-

Becki

Perception is real


I am an advocate of understanding the reality of  ones perception. Perception not creates our experiences of life but it teaches us about our environment.  Perception is a very important human behavior because every person perceives the world and approaches life problems differently. What I see or feel is not necessarily what you feel or see. This process is how we interpreted and understand what is done around us.

Perception defines what happiness means to me not you, but me. It defines my character and attitude. How I look at kindness, hate, love and other emotions. That is clear when we talk about God and how other human beings view/perceive their higher power and how we as humans want others to see God as we see it. I may not choose to see your God your way, but I can try to understand why you see God differently and accept it without judgment.


Perception helps shape a person's outlook toward life. It iniaties ato find the purpose in our life. I have notice my perception has changed during maturity in life. I don't understand people who do not take the opportunity to allow themselves to be open minded and realize we are not all alike. 


I am not here on this earth for you to understand me. I am here for your understanding of who you are. I am your mirror. How you feel about me, what you see in me, the thoughts that arise from your encounter of me, the judgement you hold about me are all reflections of you.  They have nothing to do with me.


Even salt looks like sugar!

-vent on-

Becki

Life Sucks and then you Die?


I believe it is how you live your life that is up to you. Life doesn't have to be a time constraint till the day you die. Do you know when you will die? Someone does and it ain't you! Life is what you make it. So when you ask what does my life mean or what the fuck is wrong with my life?


You and only you can change it. Quit your bitching about how your mother makes you feel bad or your friends think different of you. What matters is what you think!


Once you realize the capacity of how much power you have and you start doing something to change for the better life miraculously turns to you with a shining star.


Okay that sounded easy right? We has humans infuse every idea or concept to develop a comfortable lifestyle so it can be bearable. So if you are still having problems in figuring out your life then I think you might have to change your perspective or reevaluate your method of infusion.. Maybe you should look at a child - they have no bearings to what the world entails and they live a happy life. Or look at your pet and see - eat, play, repeat!


It's not worth the heartache and headaches to let life be so sucky if you can't change it yourself. Have faith in your own power.


Seek and you will find peace.


-vent on-

Becki

What is Happiness?


Happiness is not just a smile on the face. Attaining happiness is a global search for your nirvana. 

Money makes people happy. Love makes us happy. Sex makes us real happy. Food can make us happy. A child's laughter is happiness. There is so many things that make us happy. It is a result of finding one joy to the next. Or maybe it is certain personal control of what makes us happy?  

Indulging in our pleasures, absorbing the feeling in what makes us happy, setting and meeting our life's goals, maintaining balance with family and friends all that increase life satisfaction.

Happiness equals mental or emotional subjective well being. There are so many things that me happy like my daughter's laugh, my mother's smile, my pets silliness, true friendships and taking vacations.

My favorite emotions that make me feel happy:

ACCEPTANCE, AFFECTION, ENTHUSIASM COURAGE, DESIRE, LOVE, SEX, GRATITUDE, JOY, PASSION, TRUST, RESPECT - JUST TO NAME A FEW!

Ask yourself what makes you happy and flourish within it's joy!


Rock on!

Becki

Happy Birthday - you are a year older!


Happy Birthday to me! All the hoopla in decorations and gifts becomes extremely minimal when you get older. I remember decorating the house with a  Disney theme, paper plates, streamers and balloons for my daughter. (I kinda still do that silly stuff and she is turning 30 years old) But people just don't make the effort any more when you hit 50 years old. That sucks!

I've really never had the OMG i'm getting older approach. It is all in how you act in life. I still do stupid things and act a fool, again that is my nature!

The first indicator that I was getting older or aging was my joints were hurting. Arthritis in every possible bone is a wake up call every morning - griping ow, oh yikes!

I see my mother getting older and I vow not to do or act the way she is - bitter and needy. I can't do that to my daughter. She has to live a healthy prosperous life. I did my job and now it is her time live fully. 

One thing I will do is not give up on trying new things, experiencing new adventures - basically enjoying life to its fullest. 

I want to dance my way to the grave!


Amen!

Becki

Being Sick


I have been sick quite a bit and I'm getting sick of it! lol

It made me think if I am really taking care of myself. My immune system is compromised with stuff.  I leave it in the hands of God and the doctors, but maybe I just need to kick it up a notch. Or maybe it is stress. There is a lot of stress in my life but I believe I handle my stress level good. 

I'm going to do more:

-Exercise my body for a happy mind

-meditation and prayer

-find an outlet like reading

-eat well.


Sounds easy but sometimes I can get real lazy on taking care of myself. I'm better at taking care of others.


Take the time to treasure yourself!


Vent happy

Becki

Whatever Peeps!


Sometimes I wonder on the capacity for kindness in this world and even generosity as well. Did people forget to be kind in general? Does it hurt to be generous?

What is more apparent nowadays is greed and violence and how it exists in all of us.. Does unconditional love exist in all of us? 

I wish we all could look through rose colored glasses.


Happiness is venting

Becki

Cinco de Mayo


Why do we celebrate Cinco de Mayo in the United States? To get drunk and party? 

The purpose of Cinco de Mayo celebrates when the Mexican army victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Mexican War. 

If you are going to celebrate a holiday that did not happen in the USA, wouldn't it be a good thing to understand the purpose of the celebration? The Mexican-American citizens show commemoration to the Mexican culture and heritage for this day. 

Being Mexican American I am proud of my history.


Viva venting

Becki

Happy Mothers Day!


Happy Mother's Day to all.

This is the best job I have and I love it every day. I am blessed with a daughter who makes my world a better place. 

My mother is the best as well. She lived a difficult life and struggles to continue to make the best for me. I love you, Josefina!

A mother is a woman who can take the place of all others but cannot be replaced,

A mother arms are always open when you need a hug her heart is understanding her strength and love guides and walks beside you always

Mother is one who gave me a million things throughout her life, observing your surroundings to always make sure her children are safe, is for the tears she sheds to save you, an unconditional heart, she is always right and will always be right there for you


A mother is an angel from God sent from heaven. And I am blessed to have the best.


vent about your momma!

Becki

Men Cheat!


My special topic for life! This has happened to me so many times I blame myself for picking the wrong men or should I say the men who played an Academy award performance.


Their reasons they cheated were to justify their infidelity fascination. I wasn't good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, fuck I don't know.

*Every guy I know wants to have sex with other women - if the opportunity arises they will take it.

*They claim to fame...if I got it home I wouldn't have to go anywhere else

*Weight, appearance, just busy - no excuse.


I think that all men are immature and insecurity. If it isn't their ego it is their lack of commitment.


So I am tired of playing ignorant to men's plight. If you are going to fuck around so am I. Until you realize how loyal I am or was to you then it is not worth it to give you my soul. You don't deserve it!


Vent off Fuckers.

Becki

Change Equals Results


Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them that only creates sorrow. Let reality be a reality.  Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like -- Lao Tzu


I have experienced some changes in my life - because life happens 24-7, 365 days a year! The changes I am talking about are the natural cycle of life. These changes are caused by the result of circumstances of fate or destiny.


Change is good! This means when we realize the passive state of just passing us by and nothing has positive has become from it...it is time to make a change. This means we need to take action to create a positive outcome..


I believe it is never to late to change. Especially for the better. I have been working in taking care of my mother who has dementia. It's not easy. To see your role model suffer at a loss is difficult. My frustration takes over wanting her to be strong, but she is fighting her disease and not knowing who is doing the fighting. I had to change drastically. My patience, my obligations, my responsibilities needed to be prioritized. Even if that means cutting back on personal time. My mother means the world to me and she raised me alone. I will be there for her till she is with God.


Accept change as a source of growth strength and commitment You will be proud of yourself to look in the mirror.


vent EMPOWERMENT

Becki